The Good Stuff

I want to change things up a bit. In other posts, I have written about stepping away from my conservative Evangelical past (what the kids today call deconstructing). I do not think doing so was a mistake. There are a lot of things I look back on and wince at. “Did I really do that?” “What was I thinking when I said that?” “Boy, I was weird.” In hindsight, believing I had absolute certainty on complex issues led to some now‑embarrassing stances.

For example, believing that rock music, by its very nature, is spiritually and possibly physically - oh yes, you read that right - harmful, led me to take some pretty staunch and, in retrospect, cringe‑worthy stands. (What’s worse, it kept me from discovering the genius of The Talking Heads until I was in my 50s. Such a waste.)

To be fair, not everyone who grew up with a similar background had the same hang‑ups that I did. Some people were even more extreme. I knew people who thought every bad thing that happened to them, from a common cold to getting a flat tire, was somehow a direct satanic attack. There were churches that forbade “mixed bathing” (boys and girls swimming together). My wife had an instance where she was called out for bringing a deck of playing cards to a church event. Some pretty nutty stuff.

I realize, having said all this, people might get the impression that everything I experienced was negative or that I have escaped from “Crazy Town.” That is not the case. The values that my Evangelical upbringing instilled in me are, for the most part, the values that I still carry today. The execution might look a bit different, but the foundation is still there. With that in mind, I want to share some of the positive things I learned from my Bible‑centric upbringing.

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” In Matthew chapter 22, Jesus was asked what is the greatest commandment. His answer was to love God and love your neighbor. If you do these two things, the rest of the commandments will fall into place. I cannot tell you how many times and ways I saw this lived out during my years in the church - whether it was meals being provided for families going through a hard time or yard work being done for older folks. During natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina, conservative churches sent people to help provide food, water, shelter, and clothes for those affected by it. The examples that I saw and experienced in that world continue to impact me today, and for that I am grateful.

Humility is one of the greatest virtues. When I was a teenager, we used to sing a song based on James 4:10. The words were simply, “Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” I had a front‑row seat to see this concept put into action. My dad was a pastor for over 50 years, the vast majority of that time in one congregation. He had a big and charismatic personality. If there was anyone who could have made his ministry about himself, it was him. He had a way of communicating what his vision was and getting other people excited about seeing it come to fruition. This could easily have been abused for selfish purposes - to build up wealth or draw attention to himself. He didn’t call press conferences to announce what the church was up to. He didn’t get his sermons transcribed into books to sell. He didn’t try to start a TV ministry. Instead, he went to visit people in the hospital. He led youth camps. He mentored younger men. When he passed away, about 2,000 people attended his memorial service. For roughly two hours, one person after another got up and shared how he had impacted their lives for the better. He didn’t think of success in terms of acclaim, but rather in terms of being faithful to what he believed was his calling. It was humility that led to his success, and that is an example I still hold dear and want to follow.

It is better to give than to receive. This is a paraphrase of the end of Acts 20:35. The Apostle Paul is saying goodbye to some dear friends and ministry partners and is giving them some parting wisdom. It was the last thing that he said to them, and he tells them that this thought came from the words of Jesus himself. I heard this phrase a lot growing up, but what's more important is that I saw it practiced as well. Generosity was not a rare commodity in my circles. Seeing others sharing what they had (even when what they had was not all that much) was commonplace. This wasn’t reserved only for those within the circle either. I witnessed many examples of people being made aware of complete strangers who were in need and people in the church seeking to meet that need without a second thought. I have to admit that I have not followed this example as well as I should. It is easy to criticize selfishness in others, but I need to honestly assess my own generosity and be better about following the example my conservative past set for me.

It’s been almost 20 years since I stepped away from ministry. My journey from then to now has been filled with questions, doubts, and regrets. It is far too easy to look back and focus on all of the negatives of my previous life. The last 10 years have made it even easier to do that. But I am grateful for my past, for what it taught me and how it still creates in me a desire to be a better person tomorrow than I am today. I hope that I will always carry with me the lessons and examples of love, humility, and generosity that I grew up with. The execution may look a bit different, but the underlying values are still the same.