The Old Man

While driving with my dad on our way to play golf, sometime in May of 2004, he and I listened to one of his favorite tapes, John McDermott singing old sentimental Irish songs, Dad was a sucker for this type of music. Most people saw him as loud, aggressive and competitive but he definitely possessed a softer almost downright mushy side as well. Just before we reached our destination the song I have posted below played. When it ended I looked that over and saw his eyes had begun to well up. When we arrived at the golf course he said, "It's been over 30 years since my dad passed away and I still miss him. Do you think that’s strange?” I assured him that he was normal to feel that way and we got ready to play our round.

I don’t remember anything about that round, I wish I could because as it turned out that was the last time he and I would play golf together. That summer he started not feeling well. Nothing serious it seemed,. just a low grade fever he couldn’t seem to shake. In the Fall he had a bout with pneumonia that put him in the hospital for a while and even though he recovered from that he still couldn’t shake that fever.

As the weeks went on his fatigue grew worse and he began to suspect something was seriously wrong. The doctors agreed and started using scary words like lymphoma and Hodgkin's. On December 1st dad was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia. He was told he probably had about 6 months to live.

My family and I flew out to spend Christmas with him. We flew home on New Year’s Eve. On January 4th my brother called to tell me dad was declining quickly. On January 6th I flew back to California. I arrived at 1:00 PM. Dad passed away a little after 9:00.

My dad lived a great life. He had a childhood filled with great memories and was raised by parents who loved him dearly. He married the girl of his dreams and had 54 years with her and they loved each other more everyday. He raised 4 children who loved and respected him. He had 11 grandchildren who adored him. He spent 50 years building  successful career as a pastor doing what he loved and having an impact on literally thousands of lives. He traveled the world and to see and do things most people only dream about doing. He lived a full and rich life and when the end came he died peacefully surrounded by his family, Truth be told, it really doesn’t get much better than that. I should feel lucky.

I still feel cheated sometimes.Even though I got share so much with him, there are still a lot of things I feel I missed out on.

I wish he could have seen my kids graduate from high school. I wish I could have watched the Giants win the World Series with him or at least have been able to call him after they did. I wish he had been able to watch my daughter get married and to have met my son in law. I wish my grandchildren could have known him.

it’s been over 10 and a half years since my dad passed away and I still miss him. Do you think that’s strange?